Dear John.

I never thought I'd be in a position to write a Dear John letter, but I feel like I have no other options.  I have been driven to the edge.

I say "still" because he did receive one ranting phone call from me that might have scared a lesser person away.  Also, that handwriting is indicative of my state of mind for a large portion the last few nights.

Because really, this weekend has been...well...difficult.

I'll spare you my ranting details of things gone wrong, but I will tell you this:  my previous experiences with this single-mom business left me thinking "hey, this ain't so baaad..."  Not in the this-is-a-preferable-way-to-live kindof way, but in the it's-nice-to-have-the-house-to-myself-for-a-few-nights-every-few-months way. 

Previously, I've been apprehensive about the times when John has ventured away from us for short periods of time, but I've usually fared better than expected.  I mean, when John's not here, everything goes MY way, ALL day, EVERY day - who doesn't like that?  Oh sure, there are squabbles and stress about being the only adult here, but the messes left at the end of the day are my messes, and I am happy to put away the mess, do the dishes, clean the floor, etc on my own timescale (which is decidedly more efficient when I'm the only grown-up around :)  I was raised by a single mom, ya know?  (but since we all know I was undoubtedly a super-easy kid to parent, I'm sure my mom had it easy.  Love ya, Mom! :)  Handling this stuff in brief intervals is no problem! 

This weekend, however...this weekend has left me reeling and reevaluating my fitness to proceed in motherhood.  I know, I know, I posted about Friday when I actually took time to be a good mom and how fun it was.  Even then, though, I knew the weekend was unravelling - I just thought I had a better grip on it.  Then Ellery became a fussy fool who has a fat fever, my internet access all but died, my cell phone took a swim, I developed a case of insomnia, and the DVD player would NOT.  STOP.  SKIPPING.  (Do you realize how insanely infuriating that is?  I'm surprised DVD skipping isn't a greater issue in our society.) 

So a shout out to all you single-mommas who do this all the time - who bear kids' illnesses, house issues, and DVD skipping with grace and ease.  Who don't get furious and nearly lose their $h!t because Target.com won't load on a Saturday night.  Who somehow reach up from the inside, pull up their own bootstraps, and unconditionally love their little beings even when there's no other grown-up there to back them up.  I tip my hat to you.

And I reiterate:  John Hurliman, come home soon!!!